I’ve been placing nannies with families for over two decades now. I’ve worked closely with every type of family, I’ve seen it all, and I’ve heard it all. You name it, people have done it or said it. So, now, as a working mom of two myself, not much surprises me. But some of the things these parents have said – those brave souls who’ve shared a very intimate part of their lives with me – have stuck with me. There is one mom in particular I will never forget. She was a successful attorney home on maternity leave with her perfect new baby, cute little toddler, designer pup and classic bungalow on the park. From the outside, her life seemed perfect. On the inside, she was struggling and needed support. She needed a great nanny, which I could do, but she also needed to connect and share her story.
She was so in-love with her babies, and grateful for the time at home with them, but she was also utterly exhausted, covered in spit up, battling mastitis and struggling with guilt…about all the things parents feel guilty about. After sharing her story – the good and the bad – she looked at me and said “it’s okay…we’re almost out of the dark days.” The dark days…I thought it was a very interesting metaphor to describe early parenthood. And the more I thought about it, the more I thought she was right: there is a darkness that lies just opposite all of the light. The days on end spent with a baby in your arms, needing and taking, while at the same time expanding your heart, the long nights blurred by fatigue yet sweetened by your baby’s warmth, the guilt of divided attention balanced by the pride you feel watching your eldest grow and mature, the chaos of an untidy home that’s quieted by the love that fills it – it’s a whirlwind of challenges and heart-swelling moments. It’s difficult and beautiful all at the same time.
Despite the struggles, those “dark days” now shine brightly in my memory, and I hope they do for her as well. Now that my children are older, growing up and creating their own lives, I look back on those days with immense love and gratitude. Some days, like today, I find myself longing to hold my son on my lap and read him a story before nap time once more, to snuggle my baby girl back to sleep in the moonlight, and to spend days on end, just the four of us in our pajamas, together as a family. I’ve not forgotten the difficulty and the darkness, but yet I’d change very little. Life is full of periods of darkness – it’s because of the darkness I have discovered a profound appreciation for the light that guides us forward. So to that super-mom, thanks for sharing your story – the darkness and the light – and for helping me see my own parenting journey through gentler, more understanding eyes.
